Surgery is tomorrow

I have to check in at 6 am. Ugh. I am NOT looking forward to this. Really wishing I could call in the morning and say "sorry, changed my mind. thanks anyway." But, I can't. I had better get some good drugs out of this deal! kidding...kinda. Anyway, if you read this, think of me, please. Thanks.

The Army Room, revisited

Those of you who've read my blog for a while now may remember a post I made back in April talking about our spare room and how it had turned into the Army room. I made a comment about how sad I would be in August when all the Army stuff was gone and it was empty again. It's not even August, and almost all of the Army stuff is gone. Basically, anything that Daniel will not need for the next month has already been loaded up and is in a trailer, ready to go to Fort Hood next month. And let me tell you, looking at that room, seeing all the Army gear gone, is soooo much worse than I thought it would be. I know it's just the "stuff" and that Daniel will still be home for another month, but knowing that it's gone and the fact that it's all loaded up is just another step in this process that I wish didn't have to happen. In a lot of ways, I hate this gradual process. Sometimes it seems it would be so much easier if we had been given only about a week's worth of notice. Dragging it out is killing me. Tomorrow is family day at the unit. Hopefully I can meet up with some other spouses and make some connections to have someone else who'll be going through this at the same time.

40 more days

For reasons I can't quite explain, I have always been the type of person who counts ahead and knows how many days there are until x is set to happen. This deployment is no different. As of now, there are 40 days left until Daniel leaves. It feels like just yesterday we got that phone call that was an "alert for orders". Hard to believe it was actually last October. But now it's just around the corner. Daniel has drill this weekend. Every time he has left for anything related to the Guard, I have known he'd be home in a matter of days, or weeks. This weekend will be the last time that will happen. After this weekend, the next time he leaves will be the one where he doesn't get to come home after a month or so. That thought scares the crap out of me. I am not sure I can do everything I need to do while he's gone. I don't know if I can be that strong. For a long time now, he's worked the night shift at his civilian job, and because of that I've adapted to lots of things, and if it was something I couldn't do alone or fix, all I had to do was call him to take care of it when he got home or put it aside for the weekend. I'm not going to be able to do that anymore. I have an awesome family and great friends that I know will be there for me if there's anything I need, but I just know it's not going to be the same. (Not to mention the fact that my stubborn streak usually prevents me from actually asking for help when I need it.) I wish I could slow time down. I just feel like there's not enough time before he leaves, and I know August 19 will be here before I know it. I feel like there's no much I still need to tell Daniel before he goes, and so many things that we said we'd do "someday" that we just don't have time to sneak it all in. Not to mention all the "business" stuff we still need to do, making sure we have a POA done, and other paperwork, getting my ID done, etc, etc, etc. I guess I am just feeling incredibly overwhelmed by it all today. If you're reading this, please pray for me. I need strength to get through these next 40 days, and beyond. Thanks.

Surgery scheduled

OK, so I will be having my surgery on Friday July 18th. I shouldn't have a hospital stay. I will check in that morning and then after the surgery is over and they monitor me for a few hours I can come home. Daniel will, of course, be there. My mom works at the hospital and may have to check in with her job off and on, but she'll be there too for the most part. So that's it for now.

Orders and doctors visits....the updates

The day we've been waiting for finally has arrived. Daniel got his "official" orders. No more waiting and guessing on when. He has to report to his home station on August 19, which is the date we had heard via the rumor mill. (Home station is the armory where he reports for drills/trainings.) So, really nothing new on that front, other than we finally have the confirmation we've been waiting for.

The other update I have comes from my visit to the surgeon about the knots/cysts on my head. My dad and grandma have both had them removed and they were done as in office visits. However, the doctor I saw explained that because of the fact that the head tends to bleed more profusely and because I have several that need to be removed instead of just one or two, he would only do the removal as a surgery option with me being under general anesthesia. I was quite startled to hear this actually, since I was fully expecting it to me like my dad's and grandmas was. I don't remember what reason I gave for not going ahead and scheduling it, but I didn't. To be completely honest, the thought of having to have surgery freaks me out. Not just a little, but a lot. I honestly walked out of the office thinking "ok, I will just deal with them and not have them removed." But between Daniel and my Mom's persuasion, I will go ahead and have it done. I'm going to call first thing Monday morning. I'm still not completely thrilled with the idea, and I am NOT looking forward to the fact that each spot will have to have a quarter sized or so shaved spot around it. (did I mention the doctor said he will use blue stitches? something about so they can be monitored and when it comes time to take them out they won't miss any.) So, I will not only have small bald spots, but they will feature blue stitches. Yay.

Anyway, those are the updates as they stand now. Oh, one other thing. I have had a couple of people tell me they can't sign my guestbook lately. I edited it and you should be able to sign now if you want. Just click on the link over to the right. When the previous entries come up, click on post in the middle and you can add your entry. Or, you can comment on individual posts without being registered w/blogger. Just click below where it shows the number of comments and it will take you there.

Prayers, please

I have an appointment on Friday afternoon with a surgeon. For as many years as I can remember, I have had knots on my scalp. For a long time, it was just one, and it was fairly small, but over time the first one has grown and new ones have popped up. My dad and grandma have both had them, and they are just harmless cysts. The only time any of them ever bother me is when I accidentally hit them with the hairbrush. Lately though the original one bothers me if I wear a ball cap. Since they've never bothered me, and since I was always kind of afraid of having them removed, I've never done anything about them. But, I have been a chicken long enough. So, I have an appointment Friday. When I made the appointment, I asked if it was just going to be a consult and schedule another one for actually removing them, or if they would just go ahead and do it then (it's just an in office procedure to remove them). The nurse wasn't sure, said the doctor will take a look and see what he wants to do. The closer it gets to Friday, the more nervous I get. (I admit, going on the internet and reading info on the hows and details of removing them didn't help me.) Anyway, if you would, take a minute and remember me that I will stay calm if the doctor actually does the procedure to remove them Friday, or that I will keep from going crazy thinking about it if he schedules it for later. Thank you.

My husband, the soldier and....preacher??

We attend a very small church. Today after the service, Daniel and our preacher disappeared for a while. I knew Daniel had wanted to talk to him about some things before he goes, so I just entertained the grandson of one of the members who was helping get things set up for VBS this week while I waited. They came in and Daniel says to me "Honey, guess who's doing the sermon on August 3?" Yep, my husband is going to lead a sermon. He has an idea/theme of what he's going to say but he needs to work on it. I asked him why he decided to do it and he said it's just something he wants to do. Sort of his deployment version of a "bucket list". Rod, our preacher is great and is all for him doing it. So if any of you reading are close enough to attend, you can be there for Daniel's debut. I have a feeling I may be more nervous than he is that day!

I think I am in the wrong line of work

So, in my next life I think I'm gonna learn to be a tattoo artist. Daniel had talked about getting a tattoo of his dog tag information (AKA a "meat tag") done on his ribcage. (The theory is that a tattoo can't be lost or stolen should something happen. The nickname of calling it a meat tag comes from the fact that in some cases, it serves as the only identifying piece left. A sad and sobering thought, but a true one.) Anyway, the last couple of times Daniel has had tattoo work done, he has gone to one particular guy at one certain shop (which I won't name) and at one point they had talked about it and the guy had given him a ballpark figure of around $80. So, Friday we went up there to see about getting it done. That guy doesn't work at that shop anymore. And the guy who was there that night looked at what Daniel wanted and told him it would be at least $250-300. For his name, SSN, a line that says "O Pos/No Penicillin" and one that says "Christian". Admitedly, I have never had a tattoo done, nor do I have any idea how much the supplies and tools cost, but $250 for four lines of text? And, the guy said that was "cutting you a deal since you are military." I don't think thats much of a deal. But then again, what the hell do I know? So yeah, in my next life I think I'm gonna learn to be a tattoo artist. In the meantime, since it looks like it's gonna cost 3 times what we were planning on paying we're gonna wait unil it gets closer to time for Daniel to leave for Hood before we go get it done. Two months and counting......

Just Believe

Daniel came home Sunday. After almost three weeks of chow hall food and MREs, he was ready for his favorite restaurant (Texas Roadhouse if you're wondering) and since it meant I wouldn't have to cook, I was all for it. So we went in. It was close to 3 pm so they weren't busy at all. Daniel was still in his ACU's. (for those not 100% familar with all the military acronyms, ACU = Army Combat Uniform. The ones that have a digital pixel-ish look to them.) When we were leaving, I heard a little boy say "whoa Mama, look at him!" as he pointed to Daniel. He and I both noticed several other people smile or nod in his direction. I was so proud of him. Usually, he comes home from drills and the first thing he does is change clothes, and he only wears the ACUs when he's at drill or other official things. Sunday was the first time in a long time that I can remember being with him out somewhere where he was in the full uniform. It felt really nice to know people were acknowledging what he does based on what he was wearing.

The last couple of days, he has been telling me some of what they did during this training. He mentioned being qualified on his weapon. I guess logically deep down I knew he would have a weapon and that he would need to train with it, and that once he goes overseas he'll have to use it. But I guess I hadn't thought too much about it. But hearing him talk about it brought it to the front. While he's there, he will not only have a weapon but he will actually have to use it. And that thought scares the hell out of me. I know I just need to believe that he's had the best training possible, believe in other people he's there with, believe that God will keep him safe. I just need to remind myself every so often to "just believe".

gloomy & lonely

Well, we're down to less than a week until Daniel comes home. So I feel like I should be feeling more happy and excited. Instead, for some reason, today I feel more gloomy and lonely than I have in the last couple of weeks. Can't quite pinpoint it, other than the obvious. While he's been gone, I've kept myself busy. Got lots of deep cleaning done on my house and hauled off three huge boxes to Goodwill, with another box or two to take. Watched my brother's first - and hopefully, last- sprint car flip. Finished a book I had started quite a while ago. Got my home office crap all organized. I'm gonna help with Relay For Life this Friday. I should feel like I've accomplished something, but instead I just feel all lost and alone. I hope this isn't an indication of how I'll feel a majority of the time come August. As of now, it looks like Daniel will have to report to leave for Fort Hood on Tuesday, August 19th. At least he won't miss our anniversary....not this year's anyway. But according to the Army Times newspaper, his unit will be deployed by sometime in October. We had been thinking he would have 90 days at Hood, which would be over sometime in November, so we were - well, I was, anyway - hopefull that Daniel would at least get to spend Thanksgiving at home. Apparently not. I think that's got a lot to do with my mood. I usually love the holidays, but I know this year's will be extra hard. Kinda makes me want to cry just thinking about it. Like I said...it's one of those days.