Insert Witty Title Here

Wow, I guess I have really slacked off on blogging, huh? Well, I'm gonna go with the whole no news is good news excuse. I just haven't felt like I had that much to say. Things are going pretty well, for the most part. A little over a week ago, Jackson scared me half to death. We were staying the night at my parents house on Friday night because I was going to go the next day to a workshop to help prepare families for the return of our soldiers. (Yay! More on that later.) Jackson was on my lap. One minute, he was perfectly fine and content, the next he started crying as though he was in pain. It came so out of nowhere that I was honestly looking to see if I could anywhere that he had been bitten, thinking there had been a spider I hadn't seen or something. Nothing could comfort him. He usually loves bathtime, so we tried that but when it didn't and he was still crying and got really pale, my mom went with me to take him to the ER to be checked out. At his two month appointment, his pediatrician was a little concerned because his breathing rate was faster than normal. At that time, he sent us for x-rays and lab work, but they all came back clear. So the doctor just said to watch for any breathing that seemed off of his usual normal. When he turned pale that night, his breathing got pretty shallow. We got checked into the ER (After dealing with an admissions clerk who was more interested in the new text message coming in on her phone than in doing her job...I called the next week & complained about that one.)and waited. They called us back and as they went to take his tempertature, Jackson threw up, a lot. I was, at that point, freaking out with worry. Just a few minutes later, as he was laying there, I noticed that the area around his mouth was turning blue. We got the ER people in there and they saw it but just as soon as it started, it faded back to normal. We waited until the doctor came in. He examined him and said it was colic. I questioned the blue around the mouth and he said it wasn't that unusual for a baby with colic and since it disappeared pretty quickly, it wasn't a big concern. (Umm, I'm a first time mom with a deployed husband, and you're telling me my baby turning blue, although an admittedly pale shade of blue, isn't a big concern?? ) Anyway, we were sent home with the diagnosis of colic. I went ahead and went to the workshop Saturday, knowing he was in good hands with my mom. Over the rest of the weekend, I noticed a couple more times that the little blue area came back again but just as soon as it appeared, it was gone again. I called first thing Monday to get an appointment with the pediatrician, and wouldn't you know it, he was on vacation that week. So I set an appointment with the PA. I explained the events of the weekend and how I was a little confused on the colic deal because everything I had read indicated it is diagnosed about 3-4 weeks of age and is usually done by 3-4 months. I couldn't find anywhere that it would start at 3 months. Personally, I don't think its actual colic but more of isolated incidents of excessive gassiness. He has had a couple more episodes, but not as bad as the one that sent us to the ER. I asked about the blue, and she said that most babies his age are still learning all their body processes and the fact that it corrects itself immediately is good. She said it is probably something that he has always done, but I just happened to notice it Friday night while we were in the ER and that since then I was on hightened awareness of it. His oxygen levels in the ER and in the office were good, so unless it gets to be more frequent or doesn't immediately correct itself there is no real cause for concern. I have looked to see if I noticed it anymore, but so far, so good.

I started sending in my resume trying to find a job. I am not looking forward to the whole job finding process, but it's gotta be done. Once Daniel comes home to his civilian job, he'll be having a cut in pay over what he makes now, so we've gotta pick up the slack. I just started this last week, so I haven't had time to get discouraged yet, and I am going to try my best to not get too frustrated with the search. I did find a day care that I like for Jackson, so once I do find a job, I have a place to put him. Keep your fingers crossed and prayers said for me that I can find a job locally and not have to commute. I really dont wanna have to do that.

According to the workshop I went to, Daniel should be home sometime August 8-11. I hope they are right and it doesnt get pushed back. Our 10th anniverasry is the 14th and I would love for him to be home for it. We'll see, the Army may have other plans.

Thats all the updates I have for now, and Jackson just woke up from his nap incredibly crabby, so I better get back to real life instead of blogging. Til next time...

In Honor Of.......

Later today, I will be heading over to help with Relay For Life. For anyone reading who may not be familiar with it their website explains all the details, but in a nutshell, it's an overnight event for the American Cancer Society. Teams raise pledges, camp out for the night and take turns walking throughout the night to raise awareness and funds. If you've never been to one, it's hard to describe but it's an amazing experience. Even if you and your immediate family and circle of friends hasn't experienced cancer, it still affects so many people. I know I don't have to think very hard to know of extended family members and some dear friends from my church who have fought it.

I started helping a few years ago when my friend's mom asked if my old Girl Scout troop could help. She was the chair of the luminaria committee. We had already wrapped up our events for the year, but I told her I would help. I had no idea what I would be doing, but it has turned out that the luminaria ceremony is my favorite part of the night. For $5, people purchase a candle that is placed in memory of those lost or in honor of those who are battling cancer. After dark, the names of all those with a candle are read as the lights are all put out and the candles lit. It is a beautiful and touching time.

Tonight, I will light one of the luminarias in honor of my friend, Jesica. I could tell you about Jesica, but instead, I'm going to steal something she wrote on her blog that has stuck with me since the day I first read it. (It's ok, she doesn't know that I'm stealing it from her, but I didn't know she was gonna steal my Memorial Day post until I saw it. haha!)

Feeling Less Crazy
I'm not sad today. I'm not angry today. Today just feels normal.

That frustrates me a little bit, that in my life having cancer is normal. I can't imagine anything further from what I had planned for my life.

It's April, now. In two months it will have been 3 years since my original diagnosis. That's a long time. Do you know what happens in a child's life in just three years? I do. My youngest was only 6 months old when I was diagnosed. She didn't do much. Eat, drink, poop, sleep, cry. She's now 3. She walks, talks, tells jokes, plays ring around the Rosie, and irritates the mess out of her brother.

Three years. *sigh* It's a lifetime.

In some ways it has raced by and I find myself amazed that it's been so long. In other ways, it feels like forever. I have to stop and think to remember the last time I felt "normal" or "healthy."

Three years. Four occurrences. Three different chemo regiments. Four surgeries. Two states. Four homes. Three doctors. Countless tears and twice as many laughs.

Three years. A million prayers. A million thank yous.

One Long Fight

I still tear up when I see this post from her. I said it to her then, and I will say it again now, she is an amazing woman. She has a faith that I strive to have. I pray that if I ever have to face struggles as big as the ones she has endured, I will have at least half of the grace and strength she has shown, even in the times when I know she has been scared and frustrated.

So Jesica, my friend, not only will I light a candle in honor of your fight tonight, this post is also done in honor of you. Happy (day late) Birthday!