Reality sets in

So, Daniel came home last Wednesday, and we had a very nice long weekend. He went to my doctor's appointment with me, where he got to hear the baby's heartbeat for himself. We did some baby window shopping so he could put in his opinions. We went to see a Blazers game - even though they lost, it was fun. He went to his job to see his work buddies, and we spent time with family. It was great. But then yesterday, the cold harsh reality had to come back in, and it was time to take him back to the bus pickup point that would take him away back to Fort Hood. Now, sometime within the next 5 days he will leave from there and start the long flight overseas, where he will spend the next 8-9 months living on the other side of the world from here. I go through phases. One minute, I feel like I am fine, but the next I find myself crying again. Daniel called around 8 last night to let me know they made it back to Hood. While I am glad he called, knowing he was back at Hood made me pretty upset. after i talked to him I called to let my mom know they had made it. She knew I was upset so she came over. She convinced me to get some things and just go stay at their house last night. I know I can't just avoid my own house and go there all the time, but it's nice to know that when I feel like i just can't face my empty house I always have somewhere to go. I am trying to pull myself together, though. I do have to return to work tomorrow and get back to normal. Well, as normal as I can, considering all the circumstances. It's just pretty hard and to be honest, I hate it. I hate knowing that it will be months before I see my husband again, and I hate knowing that our email and phone contact will be limited. I hate the thought of going to buy baby stuff without him here. Hell, I hate the thought of going to buy groceries and household stuff without Daniel here. It just feels sad and lonely to buy stuff just for me. I just wish there was some switch I could flip to turn off the tears, turn off the sadness, the worry, the anxiety. My mom told me last night that she knows it's going to be hard, but I am not doing it alone. I know I have my family and friends, and I love everyone dearly and I know in my heart that they are there for me, but in some ways it just doesn't feel the same. even surrounded by loved ones, there is still a large part of me that feels very much alone. I wish it were all just some bad dream that I could wake up from and find Daniel here, home, instead of him being so far away.